nexjen
Awaiting Acceptance
Posts: 0
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nexjen
Feb 14, 2010 19:07:39 GMT -5
Post by nexjen on Feb 14, 2010 19:07:39 GMT -5
:Name:nex jen Race:android Age:24 Sex:male Alignment: Neutral Hair Color: black Hair Style:shy eye Eye Color: red Height:6f5in Body Appearance:my hair is flat and it goes down to my shoulders whith bags under my eyes white teeth pointy ears fangs scars on my chest and stomach and one running down my cheek i look buff Clothes:skull t shirt leather jacket blACK BOOTS ripped up jeans black spike braclet on both arms spike belt Ki/Energy Color:black Quote:your finished
Story:i was running away from the mob when a sayian deystroys the city i was on the out skirts though before i was a boxer whith a college education could jam on the electric guitar but after the blast i flew into a pit and i heard a deep voice whith dark red eyes say youd be a good experiment woke up outside a deystroyed lab three years later on a green planet while a green man called me nex jen
Starting Location:namek
Techniques[/u] wolf fang fist hate rush death wave
Special Notes[/u] scatter shot
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nexjen
Feb 14, 2010 19:14:16 GMT -5
Post by Nachi on Feb 14, 2010 19:14:16 GMT -5
All right, here's what you need to do to fix this up. -Use 3rd person. Talk about your character like you're narrating/writing/talking about them. So say 'he' instead of 'I', for example. -You're gonna need some more punctuation and grammar... we don't ask for much here, but we do ask for people to keep their writing tidy. -You start with two starter techs, not 4.
I don't wanna turn someone away because they ain't a perfect typer, but I can't accept someone unless they can be easily understood by everyone. So just fix this stuff up and I'll give you another look.
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